Change of Heart For Another
by Raynn Romantica
Summary: It's been two years since Aang took down the Fire Lord. Azula continues to reside in prison. One night, she is raped by a night guard. When Zuko finds out about her pregnancy, he gives her an offer that she can't possibly refuse. Follow our wayward princess down the path of motherhood, one that winds and whirls in the most unlikely of directions.
1. Prologue

Hey, all! Name's Raynn. I'm not a veteran writer of fanfictions, but I've written my fair share of work. I'm a veteran reader, however. I've read many Zuko and Katara fics where they have a baby. I've never seen Azula. So, I decided to give her a chance of motherhood.

Ladies and Gentlemen, A Change of Heart For Another!

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**Prologue**

I always believed that everyone was out to get me. I could take anything, whenever I wanted. No one would dare oppose me, Azula, Princess of the Fire Nation; daughter of the mightiest man in the world. Besides my father, I'm the most important person in the world. I am a master warrior and Fire bender.

And yet… Nothing else matters now. It's all _him_. _He's_ the most important person to me now, though I know not why. Every movement, no matter how small, intrigues me. Again, I know not why. His eyes of molten gold always bring a smile to my lips; a real smile that really shines through and one that I can show genially.

I've never felt that I could ever be this happy. The Fire Nation becoming the supreme element; the Earth Kingdom and the Water Tribes crumbling before my feet and burning to the ground… It's strange, but I don't feel that way anymore. I can't.

Is it strange how much I care for one being?

It is to me.

Ugh. Gods, look at me. Here I am, guzzling about worthless feelings. I shouldn't even be talking about them. It doesn't become of me.

But… Why can't I stop caring about him? Why is he so superior to me? I don't feel the things that I normally feel. My hatred and remorse… He takes it away, just from a glance to his beautiful face. I don't understand it. Why do I feel so much happiness whenever he's near?

So many questions, but must they go unanswered?

Yet another question.

When I hold him, I can't help but hold him even closer. I feel like we're the only people in the world. Everything and everyone is too vague to remember.

For one so strong, how could I have easily fallen?

* * *

I know it's short, but I thought it would be good enough. Review, and let me know. I'll work on the first chapter, if I get some feedback on this story. A little OOC, but it's a little hard to be thinking in the mind of a crazy, power-hungry person. ^-^;;

3 Raynn


	2. It's A HardKnock Life

Hey, all! Thanks for your reviews. It touches me that some people care about the things that I write! Are you sure that how I'm writing in Azula's point of view isn't a tad OOC? It seems like that to me. Oh well. I'm trying my best!

Also, if you haven't heard, the animated show of Avatar is becoming a live-action film by M. Night Shyamalan (Whom also directed Lady in the Water), called The Last Airbender. I was f'ing excited when I heard about this! The address of the interview with the creators and the director is on Youtube if you type in: M. Night Shyamalan Interview. It'll pop up.

Just wanted to let you guys know who didn't!

Also, my disclaimer will be for all chapters, including the prologue.

Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender. I never will.

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**It's a Hard-Knock Life**Drip, drop. Drip. Drip.

* * *

Those are the only sounds I hear lately; like I care anyway. I've gotten used to the dank surroundings and gloomy atmosphere. The cries of other prisoners become more and more agitating with every hour. The guards outside of my cell door talk about me whenever they have the chance to. It's ridiculous what they say.

"She still hasn't uttered a word?" one guard, a male, had asked. He tried to be serious, but I could hear the amusement in his voice.

"No, not since her last episode," the other, a female, answered. She, however, had her voice mastered in the serious tone. Their feet shuffled softly to adjust their positions against the wall; their useless spears scraping against the floor.

Their voices; their horrible voices… They made my ears ache.

The male guard chuckled. "That was over six months ago. It's hard to believe she isn't still screaming her lungs out about it."

"Well, I heard she cries at night and mutters in her sleep," the female guard said. I could hear her sick smirk as she spoke. It reminded me of myself, how cold I was and am. "But you would have to ask Shen about that. He's the one who looks after her at night."

Silence is the only thing that embraces me.

Silence. Hatred. Regret.

"It's a shame that her power was put away," said the female guard, still smirking. "She could have been a great leader if she wasn't put in the wrong direction. I'll bet-"

A prisoner down the hall screamed her lungs out; such a long and agonizing cry. Sometimes I wished that I could scream as that woman does. But then I would be in the same place that I was when I first came here: Agony.

"It must be Ming Mei again," the male guard sighed. "That woman has some problems, that's for sure."

"Problems or not, we have a responsibility to make sure the prisoners don't get too excited, otherwise the warden will have our hides." The female guard took three steps toward Ming Mei's cell, and then stopped. "Come on, Tura, let's not dilly-dally."

Another sigh from the male guard was let out. "Right, Ning." Tura walked with Ning, away from me at last.

--

It's always hard to tell time in this place. How many minutes have past already? Or are they hours, or days? It's only been two years ever since I was thrown into this hellhole by Zuko. But it feels longer than it should; too long. Thoughts of rebellion have often crossed my mind, but there's no honor in running away.

The only way to tell from night and day is when the guards switch their shifts.

So here I sit, hour after hour after endless hour. The pride of the Fire Nation, locked away. It's their loss for locking me in here. I could have changed the world; I was the best Firebender in the world. I was a Fire Nation prodigy! They had no right to lock away my power, as well as Father's!

I exhaled sharply and smoke flared from my nostrils; my blood began to boil with the thought of the mutiny that fateful day.

'_It's Zuko's fault you're here. If only-'_

'_-Your father should have-'_

'_-The Avatar-'_

'_-Mother-'_

'_-You.'_

No… It's not my fault. The Avatar just… Zuko didn't…

It wasn't me! The world would have been better off with me as Fire Lord! My power-!

'_-Is useless.'_

My hands were clenched tightly, I noticed. My mind was playing its tricks again, trying to convince me of what I didn't do. Ha! It won't work this time!

'_You know what you did wrong-'_

'_-Can't kill family-'_

'_-Immoral princess-'_

'_Cannot kill peace; Avatar-'_

'_-Your fault.'_

I pressed my hands over my ears, trying to make the voices go away. Everything that they were saying was wrong; what I was doing was the right thing! I was doing what Father saw fit to do with the world!

'_Silence!'_

I flinched at the volume of this voice. My ears rang.

'_Father's idea-'_

'_-Useless-'_

'_-Zuko was right-'_

'_-Peace because of Avatar-'_

'_-War because of Father-'_

'_-Tragedy-'_

'_-Because of-'_

'_-You!'_

Shut up! You don't know anything!

'_We know more-'_

'_-Than you.'_

--

The voices began to fade after that. I told myself not to let my weakness be shown to this… This invisible enemy that lives to torture and humiliate me.

They know nothing of me.

I shivered momentarily as a breeze blew from the small, barred window above my head, bringing in the rare, fresh wind. My head tilted toward that direction to see the full moon enveloping the bars, like it was wrapped in light. They look so warm in the light.

Sometimes I wish that the bars were me.

--

I heard a few light taps on the door that opened my cell and I glanced up with weary eyes. The door opened slowly and creaked loudly as it moved; such an irritating sound. It was the night guard, Shen, with my tray of sloppish dinner.

He gave me a light smile, trying to lighten the mood of the gloomy cell like the moon and the bars in my small window. "I've got some bread and soup for you, Princess," he said in a friendly tone, which I've always been disgusted of when it came to him. Shen walked toward me and kneeled before the bars of my prison, sliding the tray of food between the bars.

I kept still, waiting for whatever else he would say.

When I didn't reply, his eyes reflected some hurt. "Azula, you know that you can talk to me. I'm your friend."

My nose wrinkled and I spat at the floor whatever my dry mouth could muster. With my eyes never leaving his, I quickly grabbed the small morsel of bread and took little bits into my mouth; I had heard somewhere that chewing smaller bites makes you fuller faster.

With a soft sigh, Shen grinned and plopped onto the cold floor where he was kneeling. I frowned as I realized that, once again, he wouldn't leave until I said a word. He would usually leave if someone in another cell was making a fuss or when his shift was over. It was completely and utterly irritating.

'_He might-'_

'_-Care.'_

Shut up, voices.

Shen leaned closer to the slimy bars; I leaned back. The silence began to build, which was usual around this time. His dark, topaz eyes wouldn't leave mine, even if I was staring in another direction. I exhaled slowly, smoke fuming from my nostrils.

He chuckled softly. "I see. I'm bothering you, right?"

I nodded once. His smile grew as he began to become playful, trying to make me smile or laugh. It never works.

"Well, I'm not leaving until you speak," he stated matter-of-factly and, as if he was a child, teasing me.

It was the last thing he said, besides good-night. He left to tend to Ming Mei, as Tura and Ning had done before, and then quickly returned to watch me again. I really don't know why he insists on staying with me and trying to get me to say something; anything.

I just don't know what to say.

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Well, there you have it! There's the first chapter, done! I think you guys were right when you said that it wasn't OOC. I realized this _after_ re-reading the chapter, of course. Lol.

Review and let me know how it is!


	3. Spirit Broken

Thanks so much for the reviews! I'm glad that a lot of people are curious about what's going to happen. Sorry that I've been gone so long. With a busy summer and it being my last year of high school, I wanted to make sure that everything was in order before starting to write again.

Now, here's chapter two!

**Warning for Mature Content, Graphic Rape, and Language.**

I will tell you when the explicit stuff begins and where it ends for those who don't want to read it.

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**Spirit Broken**

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Days pass as swiftly as the guards change their shifts. Agonizingly slow nights fly by in the hellhole that is my home. I guess that's why this is called a prison. It's too torturous to be here even one second, much less a life sentence against the "Fire Lord".

Every night has been the same ever since I got here, with Shen sitting with me and trying to start idle conversation. I always try to turn away from it, though since talking doesn't help any when I'm stuck in this Godforsaken prison cell.

I often wonder about everyone that I knew. Tai Li has a daughter, I know, with what's-his-name, and Mai married Zuko almost a year ago. I've heard talk from the guards that she's close to giving birth; like I care anyway. They've come to visit me a few times, mostly during holidays and birthdays, otherwise they leave me alone. I don't know why they won't just stay away.

'_They're sorry-'_

'_-Pitiful Princess.'_

I scowled as the voices rang in my ears. I want them to leave me alone forever.

'_Never.'_

Ugh.

--

The night continued to go on as usual, with Shen bringing me my "dinner" of old bread, thin soup, and dirty water. A trick that Shen had told me to do was to dip the bread into the soup. Then the bread wouldn't taste so bland and the soup would be absorbed into the bread. A thought of helping the taste of this horrid paste they call food is too wonderful to pass up.

Shen continued to watch me as I slowly ate, his topaz eyes staring hard at my face. I masked everything, as I usually had, underneath my dirty appearance; trying to look as tired and weary as I could. Maybe then he'll leave me alone.

I chewed my food as slowly as I could as the minutes wore by; until Shen broke the silence.

"You know, I've always admired you."

I suddenly stopped all movement and it was absolute quiet again, until his voice spoke into the darkness as he looked away from me and at the dirty floor of my prison. He spoke in a warm, generous voice, one that I never expected.

Shen leaned closer to the slimy bars. "I think you're beautiful."

I blinked my eyes, not believing what he had just said to me, out loud. He stared into my eyes, trying to read my response. However, I continued to mask my emotions; it's something Shen never has to see, or anyone. I bit my lip, but only for a second, to make sure that the voices never played a trick on me.

Then, he stood and walked toward the door to my cell, using his keys to unlock it. Perhaps he's letting me escape?

The door to my cell creaked softly as Shen opened and closed it. His dark eyes never left mine; they were filled with unmasked desire. I didn't move. His steps were slow and quiet that built up the suspense of the silence for what he would do next.

Shen knelt down toward me, and reached to my dirty face with a gentle touch of his fingers. "Azula, you're trembling," he whispered in my ear. I glanced toward my hands and saw that they were, indeed, shaking. I instantly frowned at my body for disobeying me. I mean, just because he's too close for comfort doesn't mean that I have to act like a scared, little child.

Still, my eyes were away from his; I was ashamed that I wasn't being as strong as I should be. It's embarrassing. Shen sniffed my neck, sending chills up and down my spine.

"Even under those rags you smell sweet," he murmured so softly in my ear.

Shen's hand gently glided from my face, down my neck, and gripped my shoulder tightly; a little too roughly. "That's what makes you so irresistible," he whispered in a grueling hiss. His other hand seized the back of my head, taking handfuls of hair and sending stinging pain down my spine, and turned my head to face him.

I held in grunt.

The man brought his lips on mine and kissed me forcefully. His teeth bit my bottom lip so hard that I tasted blood. His grips on my arm and head tightened as the kiss grew more intense. My hands finally responded to the signals I sent to it what felt like hours ago. I brought my hands to his chest to push him away, but he held me tight to him.

'_Keep trying-'_

'_-Pull yourself-'_

'_-Away!'_

I'm trying, I'm trying! I shouted back to the voices.

I tried to yell and scream for him to stop, but Shen forced his tongue inside of my mouth. It felt warm but foreign. Before I could bite down on his tongue, his lips left mine and he pushed me onto the floor so hard that all of the air was knocked out of my lungs.

I told myself not to cry, that it would make him see more weakness than he should. I tried to concentrate on Fire Bending him off of me and burning him to a crisp, but my mind was screaming at him to stop; all of my screams I held inside. Then, I did something that I regretted: I whimpered like an injured dog.

Shen slapped me, relentlessly. "Shut the hell up, bitch," he whispered harshly, and slapped me again after I flinched at his tone.

This wasn't the Shen I knew. He was so gentle and cautious when it came to me. Whenever someone talked bad about me and tried to spread horrid rumors, he defended me. Gods, how could I be so pitiful?!

**(A/N: Here is where the mature content begins. Scroll down until you see another A/N if you don't want to read any further.)**

Shen's once-gentle hands roughly ran all over my body, trying to feel every part of me. He kept one hand binding mine together at the wrists so that I couldn't push him off, and his knees pressed my legs down against the cold floor. I pushed and squirmed underneath him, but he was too fierce. He reminded me of an animal.

His other hand ripped the fragile material of my shirt, and then threw the tattered pieces to the side. I closed my eyes and turned my head away from what he would do. I just… couldn't watch. Shen's lips kissed my neck; his head moved downward.

I tried as hard as I could to push him away, but nothing worked… It was so pitiful. I held in my screams as best as I could. I felt him bite my breast and squeeze so hard with his hands that once handed me my dinner plate.

For Gods' sake, why wouldn't anyone help me?!

'_Why help-'_

'_-Pitiful Princess?'_

…You're right.

But still… I can't fathom what was happening… Shen is kissing my body and biting wherever he can; I can't help but wince, which makes him grin. Still, I try with all that's left of my will to not scream.

No matter what, don't scream. Don't scream. Don't scream.

I clenched my eyes shut, but Shen forced them open. The look on his face was almost twisted with disgust and vengeance. He moved closer to my face, though slowly. His eyes glinted deviously into my own, chilling me to the bone; he pressed his lips against my ear, speaking in a malicious tone

"Your armies murdered my wife and newborn son in the Earth Kingdom."

His whisper was powerful, though it lacked volume.

Stay strong, stay strong…

"I could kill you too, but that wouldn't let you suffer long enough."

An intense, hurting feeling surged from my back; an awful smell reached my nostrils. It was horrible. He was burning my back! Damn, I couldn't help it…

I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I couldn't think of anything else but the Gods-awful pain! Oh, there was nothing else that he could do that would hurt so badly! I writhed in pain on the dirty floor with Shen on top of me, watching me squirm. He let out a laugh, though it wasn't loud enough to be heard out of the privacy of my cell.

The burning sensation stopped, but my back throbbed with the pain, the awful pain. "There's nothing that I could do worse to you than what the armies that you commanded did to my wife and boy."

His free hand roughly ran across my stomach, over my breasts, and to my neck. It squeezed my throat so tightly. I opened my mouth, gasping for air, but no oxygen came into my lungs.

"Yes," Shen hissed heatedly. "Feel the asphyxiation."

My vision began to blur. Every sound ebbed from my ears. My strength left me quickly and I stopped struggling. He could do whatever he wanted to me.

Shen leaned close to me, pressing his body weight on my stomach. "Don't worry," he coldly assured, "I won't kill you. That wouldn't be good enough."

What else could he possibly do?

His hand left my throat and I gasped loudly for air. My chest convulsed as the air flowed into my lungs and rushed out as I breathed. With one of his hands still holding my wrists tight together, Shen's free hand lightly touched from my neck downward. My eyes couldn't help but watch.

Shen's finger trailed down my dirty body to my breasts. He used his whole hand to squeeze so tightly that I held in a grunt and pinched my nipple. He moaned like an animal. It was so disgusting.

The free hand let go of my breast and roughly trailed lower and toward the pants that I wore. Realization struck me like lightning, and I shook like a fish out of water.

"No…" I mumbled softly. "Please, stop…"

Gods. I'm so pathetic.

Shen only laughed at me and his grip on my wrists grew tighter. "Oh, Azula," he whispered softly, almost spitting my name, "as my pain of my loss can never stop, neither can the pain that I am about to cause you."

My eyes gazed into his dark topaz gems that glittered with vengeance and satisfaction. I couldn't mask anything that I felt anymore, like my mind and body was betraying me. My fear spilled into my eyes and my pitiful emotions were no longer held back. I knew that I shouldn't have done that; it was what Shen had wanted.

Shen moved himself to my side with his eyes never leaving mine. "If you squirm, I'll burn you again." The raw emotion in his voice told me that he wasn't bluffing.

In one last pitiful attempt, I suddenly became defiant. It didn't matter now if I was talking or not, but I had to get him off of me.

"I'm not scared of your fire," I murmured to him, though my voice was shaky. My fear, the fear that I was determined to hide, flowed out as I spoke. Damn it…

A smirk curved slowly on Shen's lips. "You will be, Princess. You will be."

It sounded like a promise.

Shen's hand grabbed the thin material that was my prison pants and ripped it from the seams and threw the pieces aside. I looked away and shut my eyes tight. I didn't want to watch this…

But Shen forced my head forward quickly with his hand and he gripped my face tightly. "I want you to scream. No matter what, no one would come to your aide. Of course," he said with the grin on his lips growing wider, "they'll believe that you're having those night terrors that you used to have. No one would be so suspicious."

I realized with regret that he was right. No one would help a traitor like me. They all believe that I'm crazy. I've heard stories like this about what Shen wanted to do to me. There was a horrid word…

'_Rape.'_

Yes. Rape. I grew up knowing the birds and the bees; being a teenager I had to. I've only kissed though, never sex… I've heard stories from the maids about it. There were scandals and affairs, and crimes. They all said it hurt but felt good later on. I don't believe that my first experience would be so pleasant.

Shen slowly climbed on top of me as he drew the string to his pants out and let them fall. With my body failing to protect itself because of the lack of oxygen, I couldn't even fight back as he leaned on me to forcibly kiss me on the lips. His hands roamed to places that I don't even want to say, but he never stopped.

A heated pain inflamed inside me; like a growing fire that spread further and further and refused to go out. It came from inside my…

I shut my eyes before I could see anything, and I told myself to hold in the screams that I was dying to let out; that he demanded be let out. He pushed himself into me, and I bit my lips as hard as I could to keep in my screams. His hands were all over my body and stopped at my neck again. He lightly squeezed.

"Scream," Shen demanded forcefully, squeezing even tighter and forcing my eyes open. "Or I'll burn you and choke you."

His hand lifted from my neck before I could get light-headed again. They went to my legs to maneuver them so that I was more exposed to him.

'_Why lay there-'_

'_-Pitiful Princess.'_

There's nothing left to do. So I screamed until my lungs hurt as he pushed even harder inside of me.

I smelled blood.

Mind, please take me somewhere else. I don't want to be here. I'm trying as hard as I can not to act like a scared little girl, but he won't _stop_.

I kept screaming, just like he wanted me to. However much I tried to hold them in, tears spilled from my eyes and I sobbed. He continued to push in and out; I screamed and sobbed.

Until darkness came over me.

--

**(A/N: Here is where the rape ends.)**

I don't know how much time passed when I woke up. Minutes, hours, days. But Shen was gone and I laid in a small puddle of my own blood, naked. I glanced down at myself, much to my disdain. My body was scarred and bruised from Shen's burns and how hard he pushed into me. My throat was dry and no sound came out when I tried yelling for help.

But help came to me.

The door to my small prison cell room opened and a small beam of light followed. It must be sometime after noon.

Tura and Ning came into the room slowly, as if they were expecting me to jump on them like a tiger on its prey. But I just laid there, dazed. Ning slowly put her spear on the cold concrete and approached the door to my small cell. Her keys jingled loudly in my ears and the door creaked.

A flash played before my eyes.

"_I want you to scream."_

I can't. It hurts.

"_Scream. Or I'll burn you and choke you."_

A light, cold hand touched my shoulder, chilling the memory away, and I shook it away.

"She's trembling," Ning murmured to Tura across the room. Shuffling sounds echoed in my ears. "She's bruised everywhere and burned, and drew blood this time; a lot of it."

"Should I get the doctor?" Tura asked, just as quietly.

"You'd better," Ning replied. "I don't think that simple bandages will do. Dr. Zhin will know what to do."

There was a pause.

"Maybe the family physician would be better. Considering her state maybe a familiar face would help," Tura suggested.

Ning lightly touched my side and I flinched at the light touch of her finger. She let out a soft sigh and very lightly stroked my ebony hair from my face to see it clearly. My eyes opened slowly at the dark, blurred vision of the day guard.

"I think you're right, Tura," Ning finally replied. "Go to the palace. I'll see to cleaning her and getting her fresh clothes." Her eyes glanced to the tattered remains of my shirt and pants in the dark corner of my prison cell.

I don't care anymore what they do.

* * *

There, finally! I'm sure that the rape scene was a bit OOC-ish, but I think it turned out okay. But it's really your opinions that I care about! Don't forget to review. See you guys soon!

Raynn.


	4. Visiting Hour

Again, thank you very much for your reviews. It's the only thing that keeps me writing.

I saw that someone wasn't very pleased with this story, however. All that I can say is that I'm sorry that my vision isn't what you want it to be, but, if you don't like it, then I'll have to kindly ask that you don't read this story. If it bothers you, write Azula being a mother in your own way or find another fanfic that fits your tastes. Please don't take mine too personally.

Anyway, here's the third chapter!

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**Visiting Hour**

* * *

Why..? What had happened…?

My body burned. I couldn't see, but I didn't want to see either. Everything happened so fast… Like it just happened…

No! I didn't want to remember!

But there I lay, naked, and blood was everywhere. I felt like screaming out again, but what would it do? No one would come to a traitor's rescue, as Shen put it…

_His eyes glinted deviously into my own, chilling me to the bone._

"_Your armies murdered my wife and newborn son in the Earth Kingdom."_

"No! Go away!" I couldn't help but scream, wanting Shen to go away.

_A cold, sinister smile. A familiar smile._

"_I could kill you, too, but that wouldn't let you suffer long enough."_

But I didn't kill anyone! Why was I being accused in such an awful way?!

Oh, my body hurt! Everything hurt! Why wouldn't it go away?

"…Princess, can you hear me?" a mumbled voice called out to me. It was so light and soft that I could barely hear it.

Suddenly, everything was quiet. I couldn't hear Shen's voice. I could only hear the sound of my own heart beating and my breath leaving my mouth. The vision of Shen ebbed away before my eyes, though my eyesight was still blurred.

Light blue eyes, like the sea, gazed into mine. A dark, calm face welcomed me from my nightmare, but yet entered me into another.

"Azula, do you remember me?" the voice was feminine, and familiar. It reminded me of Zuko, somehow. "I'm Katara, your family's physician. I'm here to treat you."

Katara… That name was familiar.

…That Water Tribe girl! The one that put me in this Godsforsaken cell! I felt myself tremble with aggression that I knew she could easily suppress.

She shushed me. "I'm not going to hurt you. You're very hurt; all I want is to help you. Please try to keep as still as you can."

I didn't believe her. Why would she, a Water Tribe peasant in allegiance with Zuko and the Avatar, want to help me? Nothing she could do would help. Nothing!

I moved my arm to push her away from me and I froze instantly. My eyes closed at the shooting pain that spread as quickly as lightning down my arms.

Despite holding it back, my lips let out a small groan and I curled into the fetal position while holding my aching arms, though even moving sent more bolts of throbbing hurt down my body.

The Water Tribe peasant shushed me again and a cool sensation covered my arms. I felt no pain. The girl talked to me in gentle whispers and, strangely, I found them soothing. My quick painful breaths soon slowed into the timid breathing a sleeping person would make.

For an idiotic moment, I remembered my mother. She used to talk to me like that if I was ever upset about even the silliest thing. It was moments like that that I actually thought that she loved…

No. She loved Zuko, not me. She thought I was a monster.

But the peasant girl continued with her mothering. She gently touched my legs and unfolded my body very slowly. My mind screamed, _No, don't touch me there! Don't be like him…_

The girl sensed my tension and instead tried to uncurl me from my upper body. It was as if the girl—Katara—could feel my pain as well. But my meaningless effort to push her away never ceased; I didn't want her to touch me or even be near me. I wanted to be alone.

Eventually, the peasant unfurled my arms and legs so that they were straight on top of the chilling cement floor. I wanted to keep fighting, but I didn't have the energy. I felt like I couldn't even breathe on my own.

The soothing sensation slowly ebbed its cool feeling on my skin, starting from my right leg. My eyes slowly opened and I saw a blurred vision of the Water Tribe girl sitting to my left, kneeling over my leg. I commanded my leg to move away from her, but it didn't respond. I let out a sigh of aggravation and just watched her through a cold stare.

The girl never once looked at me. She seemed very focused on using her WaterBending to heal me. I wondered why Zuko hired the girl as the Royal Family physician, for a split moment when I thought that I would care. She switched to my left leg and began her work. My right leg twitched with its newly healed muscles, and I found myself impressed.

The Water Tribe peasant glanced my way with a small smile as she continued to work on my calf. "Your legs are just bruised with a bit of burning," she remarked in a soft tone.

Despite her efforts, I still frowned at her report. The way she talked almost sickened me, with her sweet pretty voice and her girly girl smile. If I had food in my stomach I'd have thrown up. I swear.

'_Let her heal-_

_-Pitiful Princess.'_

Shut up.

--

Katara continued to work on healing my body while I lay still. She told me that the burns on my back would stay but fade with time. Like I cared, anyway. Scars are only proof of what we'd gone through.

For a moment, I remembered Zuko and the scar that Father branded him with as a traitor. I remembered standing next to Uncle and what I thought of him when he turned away of Zuko's branding. Zuko deserved his mark, though. I didn't. There was no similarity of his scars and mine.

When it came time to heal the area around my hips, I don't know why but I suddenly became embarrassed. I've never been embarrassed before; besides when Zuko assumed the thrown that I rightfully deserved. Her healing water trailed down my stomach where she noticed that the burning had become more intense in that region.

I saw the look on her face. She looked sad, or maybe just disappointed. I would be, as well.

The peasant suddenly looked thoughtful. "You have a lot of tearing," she said in a low voice. "I can see it."

I blinked my topaz eyes at the girl and stared at her coldly. "Tearing?" I replied in a hoarse voice.

The Water Tribe girl looked at me for a long time without speaking. The silence seemed to drag on for hours, until she broke silence with words sharper than a knife.

"You don't have to hide anything, Azula," the girl told me in an assuring tone, but I didn't feel comforted. "I've seen this sort of tearing inside of girls all around the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom. Don't feel ashamed; it wasn't your fault."

I could feel my anger boiling and my blood felt like fire in my veins. I spoke to her and my mouth moved, but I honestly thought that the words that I said were just in my head.

"Not my fault?" my hoarse voice croaked out. "It wasn't just random. He knew who I was, and wanted back what I took from him…"

Gods, what was I thinking? Why was I acting like such a pitiful child? I knew I was stronger than this. I didn't have to think it was my fault, even though I knew it wasn't. Shen picked me because I was part of the Royal Family. Why else would he…?

The girl placed a tender hand on my head and lightly began to pet my hair. I didn't have the energy to pull away from her, through my own disdain. A voice deep inside my head told me not to push her away.

'_She can help-'_

'_Pitiful Princess.'_

"If you'd like, I could take you to the bathing quarters and you could take a nice soak." She was almost whispering again.

I didn't answer. It didn't matter to me whether or not I took a bath. But the girl continued to insist by telling me how good I'll feel and how warm the water would be.

I knew that she was lying. Prison water has no mercy for chilling the human body.

--

A light knock came from the door to my prison room. The girl beckoned them in and Ning appeared with the light of the end of the day glowing behind her. She spoke in a gentle, sympathetic voice.

"You've got a few visitors, Princess."

I turned my head toward Ning and to the door. A bright face appeared behind the day guard with one so gloomy behind her and I felt myself cringe.

It was Tai Li and Mai.

I felt the Water Tribe peasant's ocean eyes on me as my old companions approached my small cell. I continued to lie on a small straw mat that the peasant placed under me once she was done healing me. I didn't move, but I kept my eyes on them.

I didn't know why they continued to visit me after their betrayal at the Boiling Rock. I think they just get their pleasure from watching me rot as the years pass in this Godsforsaken prison. It disgusted me.

A small movement caught my eye from a bundle in Tai Li's arms and a light whine rung in my ears. The two girls knelt before the metal bars with light smiles on their faces. I saw on Mai's head was the crown of the Fire Lady of the Fire Nation and I felt my jealously burning to the surface. I remembered hearing the celebration of their marriage just only what seemed like months before, and I suddenly noticed a hint of sadness in her dark eyes as she took inconspicuous glances to the bundle.

I remembered a rumor that some of the guards had said about Mai. They were saying that she was with child. But the sadness in her eyes almost screamed that she didn't have her child. I knew Mai; she wouldn't lie to the whole Fire Nation about the child. For a second, when I thought I would care, I wondered what had happened to her child.

"Hi, Azula," Tai Li said, breaking the silence. Her cheery voice rung throughout my concrete cell room, but couldn't brighten the atmosphere. Tai Li glanced to the peasant girl with worry flashing in her eyes, and I saw the girl nod in the corner of my eye. Tai Li looked at me again, the worry feeling gone from her bright eyes. "I brought someone to show you." A warm smile appeared on Tai Li's lips as she bent her arms to show me what lay in the bundle.

A plump face greeted me, and I was almost surprised. It was a baby; Tai Li's baby. The baby and Tai Li had matching eyes but the face was unfamiliar to me. Its hair was a dark brown and looked as light as a feather.

"Her name is Li Na," Tai Li whispered softly. "It means 'graceful.' Isn't she beautiful? Deshi was so happy." She almost couldn't contain her pride and joy for her new baby. Li Na gurgled and reached out to play with Tai Li's hair that framed her face. Tai Li let her tug and pull with light winces when the baby pulled too hard.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a longing expression on Mai's face. Her lips moved swiftly as she said, "Beautiful."

The Water Tribe peasant smiled softly at Tai Li as she held her baby close to her chest, Li Na's tiny fingers letting go of her mother's hair. "She looks healthy. You should be very proud."

Mai looked at the cool cement below her.

"But I think this visit should be brief." At Tai Li's confused look, Katara continued. "Azula had another episode last night and is very tired. I was here to heal the damage she did to herself."

Mai glanced to me and looked deep into my topaz eyes, like she could see through the peasant's lie. After a moment, Mai and Tai Li nodded.

"We understand," Tai Li said in a soft voice. "If you'd like, you could return to the estates with us." She looked at me with the sympathetic smile that I always hated. "Good-bye, Azula."

The peasant nodded and, with a light wave of her hand, sent the two women away. Once the door closed, Katara looked at me.

"If ever you need me, please tell the guards to send for me. Take care."

With that farewell, Ning locked the door to my cell and closed the main door behind her, leaving me alone once again and forcing me alone with the memories that I longed to forget.


	5. Illness

Yes, I am alive! Thank you everyone for waiting so patiently for me, yet again. Please check my profile for the reason my absence.

Now, I can't keep my so-called fans waiting~ Here's the fourth chapter!

* * *

**Illness**

**

* * *

**

With that farewell, Ning locked the door to my cell and closed the main door behind her, leaving me alone once again and forcing me alone with the memories that I longed to forget.

_Two Months Later_

The main doctor that worked in the Capital City Prison, my hell-on-earth home, let out an exasperated sigh. His fingers played with the sleeves of his white robe while he tried to think of what could be wrong with me. A nurse came into my small cot with a small bowl of soup (or what the prison could call soup) cupped in her dainty hands.

"Anything?" the nurse asked the doctor in a hushed tone, meaning if he figured out my illness. We were in the infirmary of the prison, and I was bound by both ankles and wrists to make sure that "no harm could come by my hand", as the doctor had put it. There were few prisoners here, whom were also bound.

The nurse, named Yueng, was a beautiful woman with a soft, child-like face. She was young and just starting her career by tending to the criminally insane and dangerous. Yueng stood well in contrast with Dr. Zhin, who was a grumpy old man with wrinkles writhing from his bald head.

Dr. Zhin shook his head to the nurse and rubbed his temples. "She's been sick for days, throwing up everywhere with pains she's not telling me about." Dr. Zhin gave me a small glare and turned away.

Good. I didn't want to look at him when he talked ill of me.

The nurse had a thoughtful look all of a sudden. "Shall I call for the Royal Family physician? She's amazing with her WaterBending."

"Feh." The massive wrinkles that embedded his forehead crinkled and looked like waves of skin that flowed on his face.

Dr. Zhin had never been a fan of the Water Tribe girl, I realized. He was still a radical about my father and the Fire Nation ruling the world. A WaterBender that could heal much better than he could simply drove him mad. Surely, being a mere prison doctor wasn't everyone's idea of a dream job.

Yueng took it upon herself to calm down the doctor whenever he would be upset about not becoming the Royal Family physician. Yueng lightly patted his shoulder and knelt to my side beside my bed.

"Ms. Katara said that there wasn't anything wrong when she checked in on her a few months ago," Yueng reported to the doctor as she gently touched my forehead to check my temperature. "Normal," I heard her murmur.

Dr. Zhin lightly scoffed. "Figures that a water splasher wouldn't know."

Yueng ignored the comment and turned to the doctor. "It wouldn't hurt to have her take a look at the princess, don't you think? She has the whole family's records of health to every last detail. She even figured out the Fire Lady's problem with producing an heir for Fire Lord Zuko."

I felt myself become interested. Even though it wasn't my problem to deal with, I couldn't help but become more inquisitive about my former companion.

Dr. Zhin lightly tapped his chin. "And what is this absurd reason?"

What I've come to learn about Yueng is that she is a horrible gossip. If you'd tell her your deepest, darkest secret, she'd spill it to everyone that she passes in the street. Talking about the queen must've been a special treat for her.

"Well," Yueng began with a wry grin, "Ms. Katara conceived news about Fire Lady Mai that she cannot keep the children before they are born inside of her. She would conceive babies, but couldn't give birth to a live baby. I've even heard that she lost two already. Ms. Katara says that there is something wrong with her…" Yueng motioned her hands to her lower stomach. "You know, and she cannot give Fire Lord Zuko a son or daughter to nurture. An egg just can't be made in her womb."

Dr. Zhin was almost gaping at the nurse. "You… You've got to be joking. How could she possibly know that?"

Yueng shrugged her shoulders. "She's figured out a way to see inside people with her WaterBending. There are things she's realized that the most accomplished doctors in the world didn't know. I heard once that she found a lump of mass in someone's heart. She called it a tumor. She removed it and saved the man's life."

Again, the doctor scoffed.

"Whether the rumors are true or not, I believe that Ms. Katara should take a look at her." Yueng glanced to me and looked me over. I knew that I didn't look very appealing, but a light smirk didn't hide her amusement. I was commonly told before I was thrown in prison that I was very beautiful, but I'm sure that my looks have definitely changed since those days.

Rubbing his temples again, Dr. Zhin swallowed his pride and said in a hiss, "Fine. Have the water splasher check her out." With that, the old doctor left the infirmary, leaving the young nurse beside my cot.

Yueng turned to me again after watching the doctor leave. She let out a quick sigh. "You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say that you're…" A smirk curved on her lips as a thought emerged in her dimwitted brain. "But, that's impossible. After being thrown in jail, no one would touch you." Yueng left, her giggle echoing in my ears as she slid the door shut.

I thought I knew what she was talking about, but I wasn't completely sure. After her last comment, it was quite obvious.

"No one would touch me…" I murmured softly, repeating what Yueng said. It had been a while since I'd thought about what Shen had done to me. The days passed slow enough, but I was persistent with making the memories go away. Like a lot of things I commanded, my body finally listened to me, for once after being in this prison.

Thinking about Mai made me forget sometimes; hearing the rumors about how she couldn't give birth made me feel powerful again. It made me think, "What kind of a Fire Lady is she that she cannot give her Lord a child?"

I could give my Lord a child. I knew that I could.

But I had no lord. I wasn't the Fire Lord, either. Everything was snatched away from under me when the Water Tribe peasant took advantage of me two years ago. If it wasn't for her, I'm sure that I could have been an excellent leader to the world of the Fire Nation.

But no, it was gone. All gone.

"No one to touch ye, eh?" a hoarse voice called out. It sounded nearby.

My eyes glanced around the infirmary, and I found an older-looking woman staring at me from the cot across the room from me. She was bound as I was to her bed, though her upper arms and thighs were bound as well. A belt held her down at the waist. The woman's face was lined with years of the stress of being in jail for however many years and her hair was dark brown with gray streaking from the roots. The woman's wrinkled fingers played with the sheets on her cot.

Suddenly, the woman laughed. It was a horrendous sound. It sounded nasally and could have been mistaken for a dreadful cough. As soon as she had stopped, the silence was magical. My ears rang from the woman's laugh, though it sounded like I'd heard it before.

"They be thinkin' 'bout no man touchin' ye, but it be opposite," the woman said in her ghastly voice. I felt a headache approaching.

I didn't know whether or not to respond, but I could see on the woman's face that she wanted one. A silent moment passed.

The woman gave me a sly grin, showing me her vile teeth that were yellow and stained. "No need to speak, eh? Well, I know the truth, I do," she stated as if she was the smartest person alive.

I responded with a simple but hard, "Hm."

The woman found my response amusing, considering that she laughed again in her appalling voice.

"Tis' true, then," the woman snickered.

My reply was immediate. "You have no right to judge me. Or even talk to me. Remember, you're crazy."

"Heh!" the woman retorted. "Crazy enough to attack the Fire Lord; my own brother? No, crazy you are, young princess. I wouldn't have taken anythin' from that man, either."

My expression was hard, but I felt myself growing apprehensive and inquisitive.

"Don't say nothing like you don't know what I'm talkin' 'bout! We could all hear ye screamin'!" the woman cried with her face distorted.

A yell came from the other side of the large room. "Hey! Ming Mei! Keep it quiet!" It was a guard.

Ming Mei's distorted face became scornful and she spit on the floor whatever her mouth could muster. I saw a large frown on the guard's face, but he didn't come over to punish her. He knew that she just wanted more attention that she gets almost all day anyway with the fits that she produces.

When Ming Mei looked at me, I felt myself trapped in her gaze. It was like she could read my thoughts about what happened that fateful night. Anxiety was creeping up my spine, but I forced it down. There was no way she could know; everyone thought that I had another episode.

There was a long silence.

Ming Mei said to her in a low voice, "Ye know what that man had done, you do. Be nothin' to do to change it now, so might as well say it."

I forced myself to stay as stoic as I could; to not let on that she was correct. I lightly gulped down whatever spit was in my mouth as my face stayed the same, while Ming Mei looked disgustingly at me. Her wrinkled eyes narrowed.

"With child, ye be. No one'll tell ye no diff'rent."

Wi… With child? That's impossible… It couldn't be true. She lied. It was just to scare me and have my wits leave me. Well, it didn't. Of course I wouldn't be pregnant. It just didn't happen in those type of situations…

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the guard that stood at the front doors walking over toward Ming Mei with an annoyed look on his face. He didn't once look at me; for that I was thankful. I didn't want anyone to see the expression on my face that I knew was there.

I felt fear creeping from the depths of my spine. I couldn't handle information like that. It had to be a joke. A hilarious joke that Ming Mei thought that she could scare me with. A light, though slightly faked, grin appeared on my lips as the guard stood over Ming Mei.

"You're making too much noise. Back to your cell you go, crazy."

The guards could always get away with the insults, even with Ming Mei and myself. One thing that we had in common was that we both knew that the guards were not worth the bloodshed. The government would just bring more back to the prison.

Ming Mei was crumpling up her mouth and lips to get ready to spit in the guard's face. Before that could happen, the guard hit the old woman in the back of the head with his sword's hilt that he swiftly retrieved from around his waist. I watched the crazy old woman slump in her bed, unconscious. The guard checked her wrists to know if she was even still alive, and unstrapped her waist, thigh, and arm belts from around her body. He unshackled her chains from the cot and made double sure that they would hold if Ming Mei would wake up suddenly and kick and scream.

The guard lifted Ming Mei over his shoulders and walked out of the infirmary. My topaz eyes followed them as they left, while the wakened eyes of the other prisoners stayed on me. I chose to ignore them. They knew better than to listen to that crazy woman. Even I did.

But still, what is this underlying feeling that, maybe, she's right?

No. I simply couldn't feel that way. There was no child.

There was no child. There was no child. There was no child…


	6. Postive

**Positive**

Their voices echoed off of the lonely and dirty walls, as if they didn't care who listened. My ears picked up every word and syllable as I lay down on my straw mat in my cell on my side, since my back still too sore to put any pressure on. Though, it wasn't what I wanted to hear. I stared at the door as I listened.

"Tura, do you know what ever happened to Shen?" Ning asked the other guard. "It's been a while since I saw him last. I wonder if he finally quit but I can't fathom why."

There was a pause, as if Tura was thinking momentarily. "Now that I think about it, it _has_ been a while. Nice guy, that Shen. It's too bad."

I wanted to protest to Tura; tell him that Shen wasn't a "nice guy", but my mouth didn't let out a sound. I pushed those thoughts away. Shen was the last thing that I wanted to think about.

Ning continued in her gossiping with her fellow guard. "I heard that, after the Princess' last episode, he couldn't handle the job anymore. The captain asked if he wanted a transfer to another part of the prison, where he didn't have to deal with her. Shen flipped his lid and left."

Tura laughed, his voice echoing loudly off of the cold walls. "Wow, what a rumor! Did you make that up yourself?"

"Shut up, Tura," Ning replied, a smirk grazing her tone. "But, seriously, did Shen quit or something?"

Tura shifted his position where he was standing, his shoes scraping lazily against the floor. "He was one of the captain's favorites. Maybe he did snap after Princess Azula had her last episode."

"But he was here for almost as long as Fire Lord Zuko took the throne, and when Princess Azula came here, bound for everyone's safety. Why would he leave now?"

I closed my eyes as the two guards continued their conversation, leading more towards what was for lunch that day and the current political scandal. It was all small talk that I was losing interest in.

I thought about Shen more often after that dreadful Ming Mei had confronted me in the infirmary. Her horrid voice was still etched in my mind, her words cutting into me deep like a knife:

"_With child, ye be. No one'll tell ye no diff'rent."_

For the last few days I've been telling myself that she was lying just to get to me. After all, she was a crazy psychopath that got her kicks from making people miserable. Why wouldn't she accuse me of being with child? Besides, why would my womb take a child of that . . . that monster?

My, the Gods would have a sense of humor.

I was staring out the small open bar of light at the very top of my cell room, lost in thought, when I heard light footsteps approaching the end of the hallway toward my cell. Ning and Tura's feet slid into attention as the person approached.

"Guardsman and guardswoman," the person, a young woman, addressed Ning and Tura formally. The cell creaked open to reveal the Water Tribe peasant: Katara, I think. Why Zuko hired her as the family physician I would never understand. Why wouldn't she return to her people and help them recover from the devastation in their Southern Tribes? It was clear which was more important to her.

The Water Tribe girl smiled at me as she closed the door. I saw a bag of supplies hung over her shoulder. In her delicate fingers was the key to my half-cell, but before she decided to open it, the peasant knelt in front of me, the bars between us the only barrier.

"Hello, Azula," she greeted me, her tone cautious yet warm. If she thought that talking like that would melt me into her arms like a child, then she had another thing coming. I forced a light scowl on my face as she stared into my eyes, the ocean of her blue eyes deep with wisdom beyond her young age. "Have you been well?"

I was sure if she was referring to the secret that she and I knew: That Shen . . . _raped_ me. I didn't trust a hair on her head, but no one has found out about it. I could say that I was surprised that she didn't spew it out to anyone. Not yet, anyway. In the tone of her voice, I knew that was what she was talking about, since the guards were outside of the door. Being discreet was what the peasant wanted, as if this were a secret between two young girls that stole their mothers' hair pieces.

Katara continued to stare at me, waiting for my answer, unmoving. My scowl began to fade, as if I'd lost the energy to keep the expression on my face. I grunted out, "Fine." Once I spoke, the peasant stood and unlocked the door to my cell, then closed it behind her. One thing about her got me thinking: Why isn't she afraid of me? Or, for that matter, why didn't she lock the door in fear of an escape?

The Water Tribe girl knelt next to me, my back facing her. Once she was out of my sight, I stared straight ahead.

"Do you mind if you take off your shirt, Azula? I'd like to see how your wounds on your back are healing." She spoke calmly and without prejudice, almost like she gave me a choice whether or not I wanted to; like she cared. I shook my head quickly. All that I wanted was for all of this to get over with. "Can you sit up for me, then?"

Slowly I rose from my dirty straw mat, leaning on my arm to keep myself up. Katara gently touched my arm and held me up so that I could sit a bit more comfortably on the mat. I tucked my feet in and sat straight for her to lift my shirt above my head and set beside me. Instantly the cold hit my skin and I covered my exposed breasts. My back was covered in bandages and wraps to prevent them from getting dirty and infected.

I could feel her soothing water slowly covering my back. For a few moments, my back was pain-free, and I felt like I could leap out of the prison and take on the whole Fire Nation Army. The peasant was mumbling to herself.

"Your back is healing quite nicely from the burns, and most of the bruises and cuts are already healed up. I'll give some of the herbs that'll prevent any infection from entering your wounds, and one of the nurses from the infirmary will come down her and rub them into the burns, alright?" Katara spoke professionally, though like a mother would to her child that scraped their knee after a fall.

Her hand lightly touched my hair, and she said to me in a soft voice, "You know, Azula, you're quite beautiful. Underneath all that prison gunk is still a pretty young lady." I wanted to smack the smile right off of her face, but she kept going. "After all that the man did to you, you still shine bright."

My body began to shake uncontrollably; I couldn't move. I told myself that what the peasant was saying was nonsense. It wasn't true; none of it. My lips were moving to form words, but they were only whispers:

"I won't believe it. I can't believe you."

The Water Tribe girl stayed silent for a moment. Her hand slowly removed itself from my head as I embraced myself slightly tighter.

"You can put your shirt back on, Azula. I can imagine that you're cold. I'd like you to try to lay on your back for me."

My dirty hands reached to the paper-thin prison shirt and, like a second set of skin, it stuck to the sweat permeating from my body. The peasant's comments stuck in my head, I couldn't help but compare myself to the "lovely young lady" from two years ago. Sure, my hair was ebony black and shiny and soft, and my skin was supple with youth. My figure was something to complement, also.

But now, when I see myself in the reflection of a puddle or a glance of a rare mirror, I see how much of me had changed. My hair was constantly greasy and feels like straw; my dirty skin looked like an old woman's. In the mere two years in prison, my body had become ruined. Why the hell would she insult me?

I watched, much to my disdain, the Water Tribe girl move her fingers delicately and water pouring out of her canteen sitting next to her. She began to work on the thigh closest to her, my left. My hands tightened into fists as she mended a few stray bruises and muscles on that leg. Katara worked quietly and quickly; as much as I made it apparently so that I didn't want her in my cell.

Once she was done with my left thigh, her slender fingers worked their way up to my lower stomach. The water moved smoothly across my skin, cleaning and healing as it did. I could feel the little pains and burns flowing away.

Katara then froze, her fingers fixated on one spot on my lower stomach with her eyebrows furrowed intently. "Am I seeing this correctly . . ?" she mumbled to herself in a serious tone.

Slowly, her eyes gazed into mine. Her mouth opened to form the words, but she stopped herself once; twice. Three times. "What? What's with that look?" I asked her, forgetting to stay silent. The way that she was looking at me told me that it didn't matter; there was something more going on than something that trivial.

The Water Tribe girl's ocean eyes never left mine. "Azula, I'm not sure how to tell you, but the best way is to be blunt. You are pregnant."

We continued to stare at each other as her words began to sink in.

Pregnant . . ? Me? There is a baby; a child within me. It was growing inside me before I even knew that it was there. Why did it have to be a baby? And not just anyone's; it was Shen's baby inside of me.

My hands began to shake, and I found it hard to breathe as all of these thoughts were racing in my head. "Get it out . . ."

Katara's eyebrows furrowed. "What do-"

I sat up, quickly like a snake. My emotions took a hold of me, and it felt like they threw me into a wall. "Get it out of me! I will _not_ have _him_ inside me like this!" My whole body shook as I reached for her hand and gripped tightly. The water that she was holding to my skin flowed down my hips and to the floor. "I want it out!"

She didn't respond to my tight grip; she just sat there. "Azula, I . . . I can't do that. You'll have to-"

"No! You have to!" I could feel myself growing desperate. Though I willed my body against it, hot tears streamed down my face and dripped on my arms and lap. My strong feelings about having that monster's child growing inside of me were too overwhelming for me to endure.

My grip on Katara's arm faltered. "Please, I'm sure there's another solution than just . . . getting rid of the baby." She spoke gently to me, her eyes still gazing into mine. My face felt hot and wet, and my body was tired.

The door to my cell began to scrape against the floor as it opened, and the both of us turned our heads hastily; I'm surprised our necks didn't snap in half. Zuko appeared from behind the door with a look of disbelief on his face. "Who's having a baby?"


	7. A Proposition

Thanks to everyone that stuck around in my late updates and either gave great reviews or just favorited my story. It really does mean a lot; thanks! I promise to update more often.

Also, if any of you readers are Dragon Age fans, then you'll be seeing a Fanfiction there by me soon! After I sort out all of the plot demons and get the chapters all figured out, then I'll be able to start posting them. No need to worry about this one; all of those demons are already done. All that I have to do is write in all the bitty details.

Here's the next awaited chapter!

**A Proposition**

My grip on Katara's arm faltered. "Please, I'm sure there's another solution than just . . . getting rid of the baby." She spoke gently to me, her eyes still gazing into mine. My face felt hot and wet, and my body was tired.

The door to my cell began to scrape against the floor as it opened, and the both of us turned our heads hastily; I'm surprised our necks didn't snap in half. Zuko appeared from behind the door with a look of disbelief on his face. "Who's having a baby?"

I couldn't breathe. It was embarrassing to hear those words spewed out like that. Zuko's topaz eyes were switching from Katara's to mine, then back to the Water Tribe girl's; it was as if he couldn't tell who was the one having the monster. I could feel sweat pouring from my forehead, joining the tears that were already falling from my eyelids.

"Zuko, it's not what you think," she said specifically, as if there was a code in her sentence somewhere that I wasn't able to identify. My primary focus was on Zuko more than her.

"I couldn't have mistaken what I just heard, Katara. Something's going on, and I want to know what it is," he commanded as he entered the small room and slammed the door behind him, creating a loud echo in the chamber. He stomped over to the bars of my cell and glowered at the two of us, waiting for one of us to answer him. "Well?"

I wasn't surprised that Zuko was acting the way he did, like a toddler that demanded dessert before dinner. It was typical of him to react like that. I heard the peasant let out a soft, defeated sigh as she brought her hand up to rub her forehead, as if she was gaining a headache.

"Zuko, it's . . . I don't know how to say it," she said as her ocean blue eyes, full of concern and alarm, met mine. It was like she was asking my permission, like it actually mattered in this case. "Azula was . . ." Her voice trailed off; she couldn't say any more.

Zuko's frantic, wide eyes stared at me, and his tone revealed the skepticism that I was expecting. "You're _pregnant_, Azula?" I brought my knees to my chest and tore my eyes from his gaze; I couldn't look at him anymore. I knew that he was going to ridicule me, like everyone else would. The idea of me becoming a mother, actually giving life to something else, it was a strange, foreign thought. The extended silence answered his question. "How in the hell did this happen? How _could_ this happen?" The disbelief made itself apparent in his voice.

A million excuses and accusations arose in my head. I closed my eyes to sort them all out and to find my voice to speak. I wanted to tell him that the girl was lying to cover for herself, that it was all a ruse. But what good would it have done? Zuko would believe her over me any day. Lying no longer was useful to me at that point. I opened my mouth and let out a hoarse sound that I didn't recognize. "I . . . He . . ."

After a moment of silence, the Water Tribe girl answered him. "The how is obviously very painful for her," she replied confidently. "What matters now is her baby, and what I can do to help her through this." I could feel her eyes burning into me, and I forced myself to nod. All that I could do was go along with it. After all, it was obvious that she wasn't going to give me away easily. For that, I respected her a little; only a little.

"You know what I want, girl," I told her in a low voice. It was clear that the amount of spite inflicted in my tone surprised her, because she let out a light gasp. I opened my eyes slowly and found that she was staring at me. "Get the monster out of me. Problem solved."

"The monster?" Zuko repeated softly and sat down on the cold floor, his legs tucked under him as he switched his molten gold gaze from me to the girl again.

I felt the girl's hand gently place itself on my shoulder. "Azula, I can't," she replied softly, and I could hear true regret in her tone. Why was she feeling sorry for me? All of this was none of her business in the first place; she was only the first one to find out about the monster that Shen really was.

'_She tried to help-'_

'_-Pitiful Princess-'_

'_-The baby-'_

'_-Deserves life.'_

I was slightly surprised to hear the voices in my mind again. It had certainly been a while since they had rung loudly in my ears. I couldn't make sense of their words as I slowly my knees returned to their crossed position and I rested my hands on my lower stomach. I thought I could feel a tiny heart beating beneath my fingertips. All that I knew was that I couldn't have his little monster growing inside of me, feeding off of me like some lowly parasite, and it was obvious that Katara would never understand that. I knew what I had to do.

". . . So be it."

Heat inflamed my fingers as I recalled my blue Firebending directly onto my stomach. I was instantly on my back, writhing in agony. The muffled exclamations from Katara and Zuko were barely heard as the pain overwhelmed me and I cried out, the excruciating burning bringing back Shen's voice and his wicked touch. For a second, I saw Shen on top of me, forcing himself inside of me. His words echoed in my ear:

"_Scream. Or I'll burn you and choke you."_

I felt my hands instantly cool and surprised exclamations arose in my chilly dungeon. The ice-cold sensation spread through my body and silenced the torture of the burns that I inflicted, and Shen was gone. I relaxed momentarily under Katara's touch. My face felt hot with tears once again as I heard the door to my half-cell creak opened and footfalls approach me. My gaze slowly fell upon Zuko's as he knelt to meet my eyes.

"Azula, why would you do that?" Zuko cried out as his eyes examined my new burns.

To me, the answer was very simple: "I won't have him inside me . . ." I croaked, my voice breaking against my will to stay strong. "Not again . . ."

Every emotion in Zuko's topaz gaze immediately understood, and pity arose to greet me. No, I never wanted his pity. Every word that I said I wanted to keep in my own thoughts, but they always fought their way out of my mouth.

Katara's fluid voice interrupted my thoughts. "Please don't do this again, Azula. I know that this is the last thing that you want, but we can find a way out, I swear it." Her water continued to heal the burns on my stomach, and I could feel the pain ebbing away.

"Don't promise anything you can't keep, peasant," I retorted, the viciousness in my tone reverberating off of the cold walls. Why couldn't she see that it was hopeless? This was the only way out. There was no other solution that just getting it out of me.

There was a long silence. I heard the consistent dripping from the ceiling of the recent rain fell into a small puddle in the corner of the room.

"Azula, give the baby to me."

Zuko's deep voice echoed with a strain in his tone, as if he forced the words out of his lips. Katara and I stared at him, urging him to elaborate his statement.

The Water Tribe girl narrowed her brow slightly. "What do you mean, give it to you?"

The Fire Lord let out a soft sigh and met with my eyes. "There's something that the Royal Family only completely knows. There's something wrong with Mai's womb. She can't handle a baby. . ." I could hear his heartache in his tone. "You don't have to kill it. Just give the baby to Mai and I. The Fire Nation wouldn't know the difference between your children and mine."

The raw emotion that he was feeling reflected in his topaz eyes, and I knew that what he was saying wasn't a lie. He truly wanted the monster for himself.

"Zuko, are you sure?" the peasant asked. I glanced to her and saw a secret message in her eyes that was meant only for him. Curiosity rose in my chest, but I forced it down. Before I could open my mouth to deny his request, Zuko began to talk again.

"You wouldn't spend the rest of your pregnancy here; I can convince the courts to let you stay in the palace with Katara as your midwife. You don't have to leave the palace. Once the baby is born, you don't have to come back here, that I promise you."

I narrowed my brow. "Why would you do all of this for me? What do you gain?"

Zuko's gaze never faltered. "My people would be reassured that our line would continue onto the next generation. Your blood is my blood, one in the same. I want to repay you for this opportunity. If I let you come back here, it wouldn't show my gratitude."

His words sunk in very slowly. If I had the monster, I could leave the prison and never come back. Zuko knew the power that he held in the courts, but it would take a lot of convincing to get me out of prison and stay out. All that I had to do was wait it all out and I would never have to see the monster's child. I had to admit, it seemed like a reasonable plan. I glanced to the peasant and could see that she felt the same way. There was a lot more in it for me than for him.

"I'd never see it?"

"Not if you don't want to."

"I won't come back to prison?"

"I'll convince the courts somehow."

"Then where would I stay, if not in prison or the palace."

Zuko thought for a moment, running all of the possible places quickly in his head. Finally, he replied, "Ember Island. We can quarantine you on one of the small islands that the family owns. You can be by yourself for the rest of your days."

I felt the girl's eyes burn into mine as Zuko spoke. I was sure that she looked as happy as she did because I wasn't considering killing the little monster any more. No, there was something that it could do for me. I didn't give a shit about it. I wanted out of prison and the memories that kept me locked in a standstill.

I turned my head to Zuko, and answered him firmly, "Okay. You can have the little monster. But you'll have to hold to your promise to letting me out of prison."

An elated sigh left his lips and a smile grazed his lips. "I'll got to the courts tomorrow and set up another meeting. Even if I have to lie, you and your baby will be out of here." He stood and almost ran out of the room, excited as a dog getting its dinner.

"Thank you, Azula. I know that your baby will have a good life," Katara said softly.

"I could care less. I just want to get out of here."


	8. A Bounce Back

You know, I really do have loyal readers. So far, with thirty-one favs and fifty-four alerts, I am astounded that so many people have followed along the slow-updated but satisfying-updating bumpy road. And no, this isn't the end! I just wanted to say how awesome it is to have people liking my Fanfiction this much. And to have this story included in Sun Daughter's Community is indeed an honor. Thank you, Summer!

Here's the seventh chapter!

**A Bounce Back**

My mind was whirling. My eyes never left the small bump that had risen from my nearly starved stomach. It all felt like too much to bear: the little monster that was growing inside my abdomen, the fact that Zuko knew, and that I might not be in prison for much longer. It sickened me that it was eating what I ate; feeling what I was feeling. All that I wanted was to rip it out of me. But if I wanted to get out of prison, I'd have to . . . Ugh, _have_ the thing.

That Water Tribe girl visited me every day, without fail. She would poke and prod at me, asking about what sort of food I ate, how much I slept, and every little detail of my prisoned days and nights. I've heard her demand the most ridiculous things of the guards: fresher food, more baths, and other such things, as if they would actually go along with her demands. She was a silly fool.

I was surprised when Zuko came to my cell again just a couple weeks later, apparently with good news. One day, when the clouds heavy with rain covered the sun, Zuko greeted the guards with nonchalance and entered into my small celled room with the peasant in tow. They both held smiles on their faces.

I was lying on my back to the dirty floor and tiled my head towards them as Zuko closed the door behind them. Katara spoke first, obviously unable to keep the news to herself. "The Counsel will see you before sundown today! Zuko pulled so many strings to get it so soon-"

"But it'll go smoothly if we can convince them that you won't go on a killing spree," Zuko interrupted. His arms crossed squarely over his chest as he stared at me. His face gave away the notion that it would be hard to believe. "The difficult part will be just that. Those old coots will be the biggest hurdle to jump over."

The Water Tribe girl put her hand in her small bag that rested over her shoulder. "I've brought soap all the way from Ba Sing Se. It's one of my favorites: Lavender. I hope you don't mind the intrusion, but I also brought some robes of yours that would still fit you. A maid told me about one that you favored and cleaned it up for you." A bright smile curved on her lips and her blue eyes shone. "And what you'll have to do is act the part."

"Which you'll do well," Zuko commented and side-stepped towards the door. "I'll leave you two be. I've got some paperwork left to finish." With that, Zuko opened the closed the creaking door behind him. His footsteps quickly faded into the daily noises of the prison and a light rain fall. I continued to lie on my thin straw mat as the news began to sink in.

Today may be my last day in this prison.

I may be able to return to the palace.

Today, the monster will become real.

The Water Tribe girl sat behind me as she washed my scarred back as gently as she could, from what I understood. I held my knees tightly with my arms as the cool water rushed down my back. The soap's scent reached my nostrils, and I felt myself relax under the smell. Tentatively, she spread the soap all across my back. I'd never admit to anyone how comforting the motion felt, and how it brought back many memories of Mother.

There was one in particular that replayed over and over in my head:

_A child's giggle enveloped my hearing; the echo of her own laughter along with the loud splash of water filled the palace halls. Inside of the royal bathhouse, Fire Lady Ursa bathed her youngest child; her only daughter: me. I looked up at her, my mother, with bright eyes. She was truly a beautiful woman, as she was a kind person to others, especially her family. Though, even in those days, she thought the worst of me._

"_Azula, you must sit still and let me clean you if you will attend your own birthday party," she said sternly as a warm smile tugged at her lips. I couldn't help but giggle again; she was such a silly woman._

"_Mother, it wouldn't be a princess' birthday party with the princess!" I told her matter-of-factly. After all, it was true. Why bait me with something I know I'll have?_

_The warm smile shrunk in size on Mother's face. She continued to wash my back, the lavender scent reaching my nose and sending relaxing chills down my spine. "Of course, sweetheart, you're so smart."_

_Satisfied, I allowed Mother to carry on with the washing._

Slowly, Katara ceased from bathing my back. "Azula, is giving away your child really what you want?" she asked in a very soft, timid voice.

The word _child_ made me seethe. My naked form began to shake with emotions that I could not recognize. My hands balled into fists around my knees, and I felt her hands on my shoulders as she attempted to console me.

"I'm sorry. I keep forgetting that this isn't a happy thing for you."

I scoffed. "Of course you forget." The words I wanted to say were on the tip of my tongue; I knew exactly what to say that would make her feel horrid for forgetting my situation. But the tender touch that she gave me stopped the words from coming out of my mouth. Not that I cared, or anything. But it was enough to quiet her.

I haven't felt silk in over two years, much less worn it. Katara had done well with choosing the robes. I remembered how much of a queen I felt like while I was wearing it. The different shades of red suited me fairly, and, with the correct jewelry, accented my features. Of course I didn't need much make-up back then, albeit now I would. The robes fell loosely on my bony frame and didn't feel as well as it had in the years before. The sleeves came to my thumb's knuckles, when it had previously hung from my wrists. The "V" shape that had reached down my chest now seemed less appealing to the eye and more showed how prison life had fared for me, and even shown a rib or two. Even in my _pregnancy_, when my breasts were supposed to grow, the revealing part of the robes is less attractive than it should be.

I examined myself, and had the realization of how much I had physically changed over the last two years. My arms moved this way and that as I tried to view myself from all angles, disgusted with what I found. The only positive was that my ruffled robes around my waist hid the small bump on my lower abdomen. My fingers ran themselves through my ebony strands; I found their cleanliness strange at the touch, as my hair flowed down my shoulders freely as it had before I was sent away.

A satisfied sigh escaped the girl's lips. "It's all settling in, isn't it?" she said quietly. For a moment, I had forgotten that she was sitting near the corner, observing me.

I turned my head to the left to face her as my arms fell to my sides. My eyes looked straight into her deep blue orbs. A retort never came to me. I opened my mouth to speak, but the words came out more difficult than I expected. "It… It's strange after all this time, to be wearing the things I used to wear," I replied in a hoarse tone. "It's different now."

Katara nodded and stood. She took a few steps toward me, her dark hair shining in the near-darkness of the room. I stood my ground as she approached me in cautious strides. She handed me the matching shoes to my robes, which I tenderly placed on my feet as she replied, "Yes, everything is going to change; maybe including you." A light smile touched her lips but faded quickly as the sound of footsteps reached our ears. The door opened and revealed Zuko, wearing his own robes and crown as Fire Lord. The envy that boiled in my blood as I saw the trinket soon dissipated as he announced,

"I won't be a part of the Counsel."

I tilted my head. It was always the Fire Lord's duty to assemble the Counsel in matters such as this. Why had they denied their leader a say? It was almost treason. Zuko held up his hand before Katara could speak so that he could explain. It seemed that the question was plain on my face, as he answered my questions decisively.

"Uncle suggested it. I saw his point: If I was to be a part of your trial, then it would seem to my people that I never considered the negative reasoning against you. With the rumors of Mai going around the Fire Nation, I don't want another purpose for the royal family to be disgraced. It would be easier on all of us if I just stayed out of it. However, I will be in the room to give my testimony."

Katara glanced my way, our eyes fleetingly meeting, and gazed at Zuko. Momentarily, I noticed how the girl was holding herself: She kept her arms almost uncomfortably to herself, as if she wanted to reach out to someone. I figured it was me she wished to console, but her body language leaned towards Zuko. My brow narrowed slightly as I tried to piece this puzzle together, but was distracted by Zuko's voice.

"Are you ready go, Azula?" he asked, the scarred side of his face, shining in the dim candlelight. At my approving nod, Zuko crossed his arms. "Alright. The game plan is that we need to convince the Fire Sages and Commanders that you are sane and docile enough to return to the palace."

I, as well, crossed my arms across my chest out of frustration. "And how am I to do that?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, act like an average person. It can't be that hard. After all, you convinced the whole Fire Nation of many things, and even tricked Uncle and me to capture us. I'm sure you'll think of something, Azula." Even in his nonchalance, he seemed certain that somehow I would walk out of the jail this evening.

Katara gently touched Zuko's shoulder. "I'll be waiting for you—and Azula—when they come to their decision." Turning to face me, she added, "If you could lie to Toph without detection, you can easily manipulate them into letting them release you." With that, she opened the door and nodded to Tura and Ning as she walked past. Zuko stuck out his head to the guards.

"We're ready to be escorted out."

They responded, "Yes, sir." Quickly, the two bound my ankles and wrists and insisted on muzzling me during the trip to the other side of the prison. With a final word from Zuko, they never touched my head and allowed me to walk behind him, though Ning was on my left side with Tura on my right. Their glares and the way they held their spears suggested that they were ready for any attempt to escape. I had nothing to lose, so I had nothing to try.

It was easy to appear domesticated in front of the guards, and I was beginning to feel confident about being in front of the Counsel. Yes, I could do it. I could convince them that I was recuperated. All that I had to do was lie. It would be like taking candy from a child. I hid a smirk beneath a veil of dark hair that fell against my cheek.

It didn't take very long to get to the other side of the prison. The jeers from the other inmates never fazed me, I realized, as I never made any eye contact or even twitched my face. It was all a part of my new act, though it is partially true. I truly don't care what those dogs think of me. I don't care about what they say out of spite and jealousy. I was getting out of prison that day when I had to serve a life sentence for treason. Only under Zuko's word was I able to get my say to the Counsel, and they had to rot in their filth. No, that day would prove how powerful I really was.

Zuko approached the door and pushed it open to reveal four older men and one young woman kneeling in front of a long table. They bowed their heads as Zuko entered, and I stepped into the room. Their eyes immediately went to me with hard gazes. It was clear how much convincing Zuko really had to do. Ning closed the door behind me and, once the door shut, there was a long silence that dragged for many moments.

The woman motioned with her hand to a chair in the middle of the room. "Please, have a seat, Azula," she said politely in a stern tone. I assumed that she commanded the navy; her voice and small face was one that I remembered. I did as she said and sat in the chair with my hands placed elegantly in my lap. I held my head high and kept my face blank. The pressure was on.

Out of the corner of my vision, I saw Zuko take a seat on the right end of the table. The man beside him stood. By his robes, I knew that he was Great Sage Inuzo. I remembered the uproar of praise when Zuko had them released from prison after Admiral Zhao had them arrested. He appeared to be a man in his late forties, as his beard and hair were beginning to gray. I was patient as he began to speak in a raspy voice.

"Miss Azula—as you were overthrown from your title once Fire Lord Zuko assumed the throne—you have been accused of high treason against your country and attempted to kill a member of the royal family. Under these charges, you were sent to Zhou Li Mental Facility as a life sentence. Once you appeared docile enough to be apprehended and once your manic episodes had ceased, under Fire Lord Zuko's word, you were sent to this facility, Capital City Prison, for the remainder of your life. You were allowed visitors once a week under the supervision of your guards.

"You have been in Capital City Prison for close to eight months now; a little over two years since you were detained. It has come to us, the Counsel's, attention that you have been recommended for a release. It was Fire Lord Zuko himself that sent us word of this, and we have a difficult decision to make. The Fire Lord has stated that you have become in tune with your disgraces and have atoned for them; you have regretted the decisions that you have made under Fire Lord Ozai during his rule. He also testifies that you cannot bend fire any longer and would no longer be a danger to the Fire Nation and to the world itself.

"You are allowed to speak for yourself, if you're willing. What say you, Azula?"

All eyes were focused on me, anticipation heavy in the air. I saw Zuko with a calm demeanor but I could see his nerves were on fire. The Great Sage sat in his seat and waited for me to respond. My eyes reached every one of the Counsel's before I found the words to speak. I kept my breathing even so I didn't appear winded with nervousness and held my ground steadily.

"Sirs and madam of the Counsel, I have made many regretful decisions throughout my life. I have tormented my older brother for many years; I have destroyed many villages and overtook Ba Sing Se from the Earth King using infiltration and deception. Yes, I attempted to kill Zuko and his companion because I believed they would kill me first. I had hallucinations of many things over the past several years. I can say that I was driven to do the things that I did because of my father. He encouraged me to act this way, and to do many terrible things.

"I wish to repent my misgivings to my home country while I'm still able. I'm only sixteen, and I believe that I have changed during my incarceration for the better."

Again, the room was left to silence. I had hoped that my heartfelt speech would have won them over, but I feared that I hadn't jumped over that hurdle just yet. The Counsel members looked at each other with conflicted faces. I kept my face blank, though faked sincerity in my eyes. I could see Zuko hide a smirk.

Great Sage Inuzo stood again with a light groan and turned his head to Zuko. "Fire Lord Zuko, do you have any words supporting Azula's statement?"

Zuko slowly stood and faced the Counsel. "I wholeheartedly believe my sister. She has sobbed for hours in my arms"—I held in a groan of disgust—"and told me the same things that she just told you. Azula will atone for the things that she's done in any way possible." Once he'd finished, Zuko sat in his chair.

Great Sage Inuzo faced his fellow members again. Their faces were stoic though conflicted, unable to think of a decision on the spot. A few whispered, and then there was an agreement. The Sage spoke to me again, "We will need time to discuss this, and request that you two leave the room until we have come to a decision."

Zuko nodded, as did I, and we stood and left the room. Tura and Ning waited patiently near the door and held the question on their faces. When Zuko shook his head, they held their posts and said not a word.

Time passed quite quickly before Zuko and I were called into the room. I had noticed that it was beginning to rain outside. Its scent reached my nostrils, and I realized that it was the first time since I smelled rain since the last rainfall before I was arrested. I felt the corners of my lips tilt upwards for some reason, but they dissipated as Zuko and I returned into the room. We walked to the middle of the room and didn't sit.

Great Sage Inuzo was standing in front of the long table with long look on his face. "Azula, we have all agreed to these terms: You will be released tomorrow at dawn. We request that you never leave the palace grounds without permission from the Counsel, and that you are under the careful supervision of two of our best warriors: Xing and Tsi T'sing. They will watch and guard you nearly all night and all day until we say otherwise. We also request a follow-up of your progress every three months from this date."

I felt my breath catch in my throat. It had become real: I was leaving my prison. Zuko smiled as he replied, "Thank you very much, Counsel. We are in your debt. When will these guards arrive? I'd like to get acquainted with them."

"Momentarily, Fire Lord Zuko. We have already sent word to them."

I took a step forward and held out my chained arms. "Might I be so bold to ask for the removal of my chains?"

Great Sage Inuzo gave me a hard stare. "No. Not until you return to the palace. For now, you are still branded a danger to yourself and others. I warn you, girl, the Fire Nation holds a personal hatred for you and your father. You will not be greeted as you once were, and you are under a trial until we believe that your sanity is returned." He raised his arm. "I now declare these motions passed and the meeting to be over."


	9. Nowhere to Run

I am alive! And with a better summary to boot!

Thank you, everyone, for reviewing. It helps me remember that I have a Fanfiction that people love! And, to thank you, I present the largest chapter thus far as an apology for my long absence. :3

More Azula madness for you crazies out there.

And, now that I'm looking at everything, every separate Fanfiction has its own cover art? o:

I'm certainly intrigued ~

I wanted to ask you reviewers to tell me what you believe the gender of Azula's child will be, and if you think she should keep the baby or not. It's fun to know what you guys think! I'm sure you will find out soon enough. :3

Anyway! Here's the next chapter!

* * *

**Nowhere to Run**

* * *

I did it. I actually did it. I was spending my last night in prison.

Honestly, I thought it would be more joyful and satisfying of this. Not the jumping-up-and-down-in-glee sort of joy, but more than not feeling much at all. I thought I would be glad to finally be rid of that bastard's haunts whenever I was alone or would hear his voice in the whispers in the dark. All of those horrid memories would vanish and I would never have to worry about them again.

So why couldn't I feel more accomplished? After all, I fooled the stupid old men and the foolish woman on the Counsel just a few hours before when I could barely speak a week prior. I was able to lie and look sincere, as I once had. I bounced back to my old self, if only for an hour. If anything, I felt powerful again. It was a high that I never wanted to be brought down from.

Katara told me before she left that night that Zuko had met with my guardians, Xing and Tsi T'sing. Their names were not very familiar, but the girl mentioned that they rose in the ranks after helping the rebels take down Father as powerful benders. But that's all that she knew about them.

"One was from the Water Tribe, but I don't recognize her," she mentioned before she left. It made sense, I suppose: a Waterbender to subdue a Firebender, especially one as powerful as myself. Well, not so much anymore. There wasn't much to hold back, I was ashamed to admit. My abilities had dwindled due to almost no use; it doesn't suit a prisoner to be able to fight back. That much of my story to the Counsel was true. I would meet them both when dawn broke, I was told.

"Morning will come soon enough," Katara had said with that smile I hate. Of course it would come, and it would come faster when I sleep.

If I could sleep at all.

When I did fall asleep, nightmares were there to greet me every time. The first time, I saw my father. I was surrounded by flames that constantly changed their color, with Father standing just a few feet away with his back turned. He was dressed as the king he was, and the magnificent crown glittered and glowed in the flames' changing light. The only sound that I could hear was my own breathing and the crackling of the fires that surrounded me.

I tried to call out to Father, but no sound came out of my mouth. The flames crept closer, threatening to take all of me. Their tips licked at my feet and legs and reached to touch my hands. I retracted my limbs from their heat; the hotness was something I suddenly couldn't stand it. Father still hadn't moved, though the inferno continued to grow in girth and intensity. I jerked my body away from the heat so suddenly and, I realized, I'd never been afraid of fire before.

I woke with a gasp, covered in sweat. My hands were shaking as I grabbed my blanket and pulled it above my head. Through clenched eyes, I willed myself to sleep again. If I wanted the rest of my time spent in prison to pass by quickly, I needed to sleep.

And so I did, and was welcomed with another nightmare.

I was in a dark hallway, wearing the robes I had while I was still a princess. I wasn't scared, I can assure you, but I was wary. I took cautionary steps forward, watching and listening to any movement or sound. All was quiet. Too quiet. Suddenly, a body was illuminated by fire a few feet away from me. I lifted my arm to protect my eyes from the light, and that was when I recognized the person:

"Mother." The word escaped from my lips in a breathless whisper.

She looked as young as she was when I last saw her, clad in the robes of royalty and bearing the crown on her head. Mother took a few steps toward me with outstretched arms. Her head was tilted slightly to the side, causing her dark hair to obscure her face. But that didn't hide that hellish grin on her lips. And her eyes... They were a pair of deep, black pits.

"_Azula, come to your mommy. Mommy wants a hug."_

Her mouth didn't move; it was like she spoke in my head. I bit back the fear that threatened to show. With every step she took toward me, I took one back. Why would she want affection from her monster of a daughter? As much I tried not to think about it, it all rattled my brain, and I heard myself say, "Stay back!"

"_But Mommy loves her darling princess!"_

I felt myself fall and a pair of hands around my throat. She was there, choking me, with a crazed look on her face. Her hair was disheveled and her crown had fallen on my chest from her head. It was burning me; marking me. I couldn't speak, nor could I breathe. My hands gripped her wrists as tight as I could, but she didn't let me go. I heard screaming, but I didn't know if it was me. There was a phrase that she kept repeating. It echoed in my ears and became distorted with every second that passed.

"_Mommy loves her little monster."_

"_Mommy loves her little monster!"_

"_MOMMY LOVES HER LITTLE MONSTER!"_

My eyes opened and my mouth let out a little yelp. My hand goes to cover my mouth, and I realize that I was panting and still sweating. My eyes went to my chest to see if the crown really did burn me, but I saw nothing out of the ordinary. What in the name of the Gods was wrong with me? In my anger and frustration, I threw the blanket off of me with a scowl. I glanced to the small window at the top of my prison and saw the color of dawn. It was morning already? I swallowed to parch my dry throat and let out a soft cough. I sat up slowly and leaned on my hands.

"Morning couldn't come any faster," I mumbled, wiping the sleep away from my tired eyes.

The sound of shuffling feet met my ears and caught my attention, and the door to my cell slowly creaked open, revealing Zuko and Katara. The peasant girl looked happy enough to burst and gave me a small wave. Zuko only had a light smile. Why he was happy for the monster was beyond me.

"Good morning, Azula!" the girl said as she closed the door behind Zuko. "Are you ready to leave?" That smile on her face made me nauseous. She adjusted the strap to the large bag that she was carrying with a light grunt. I wondered for a second what the hell she carried in there.

Before I could even take a breath, Zuko turned his head to her, "We won't be able to leave until those guards arrive." He returned his attention back to me. "But, yes, you'll be leaving soon."

_You'll be leaving. You'll be leaving. You'll be leaving._

Those three words echoed in my head, and I suddenly felt a bit dizzy. I had anticipated this moment since I left the Counsel's chambers the night before, and yet, hearing it said aloud, it sounded so strange and foreign. I couldn't believe that I was still hung up on the fact that I could now leave my prison and return to my childhood home. Any other prisoner would be leaping for joy and antsy to step their foot out their cell. And, here I am, still processing the idea. How ridiculous.

Zuko unlocked the door to my cell and joined me inside, holding out his hand to help me stand. An odd looking smile appeared on his lips then and I slightly grimaced when I felt its warmth. "You can leave this place, and my kingdom will have an heir," he said softly, as if that was hard to process, as well.

I hesitated, and took hold of his hand with my own, pulling myself up to stand. I instantly felt woozy and took hold of an iron bar of my cell to hold myself up. Katara took careful steps toward me.

"Are you alright, Azula?"

What was she fretting about? I assured myself that it was merely because of my lack of sleep. "Yes," I mumbled. After a few more seconds, my head stopped spinning and I put my hand on the side of my head. The sudden feeling of clean hair gave me pause. It had been such a long time since I had felt my hair so clean and soft. And, now, I would be able to experience it every day for the rest of my life. I was sure of it. Zuko wasn't stupid; he knew that I held this little monster's life in my hands. I hardly doubted he would do anything to jeopardize this once in a lifetime opportunity, just as I would.

"Come," Zuko said, catching my attention again. "Xing and Tsi T'sing will be here soon. Katara will help you get ready."

I merely nodded in reply. Quickly, Zuko left and closed the door behind him. I heard his voice; he must've been speaking to my new guards. I have to say I wasn't too pleased about being looked after every minute, day and night. You would think I'd be used to it by now, but the prison guards always left me alone to my own thoughts and actions. Until Shen, I'd been wrapped up in my quickly-changing emotions and harmful actions. But, now, I can't say that I was looking forward to the two warriors. I'm quite certain that they weren't, either.

The girl quickly went to work. She let me wash myself and my hair, and helped me dry my body. I caught her staring at my abdomen more than once, and it piqued my curiosity. Why was she so fixated on this monster? What was so special about it? Why couldn't she leave well enough alone? It was then I told myself that, without this stupid peasant, I wouldn't have a chance in hell of getting out of prison. Because of her, I had a chance to live in the sunlight, not behind closed doors along with my father. Maybe I should have been grateful, or I should have damned her.

I noticed that the girl handed me different robes than what I wore yesterday: a deep red robe with gold and black trim. The emblem for the Fire Nation was embroidered on the back. The sleeves were cut off at my shoulders, albeit they were cut off from the rest of the robe. By clipping the gold clasps together just a few inches from my shoulders, the long sleeves were added and gave the ensemble a more elegant look. The robe itself covered any scars or burn marks that would threaten to show in front of the crowd that awaited me outside. The sash was a thick piece of fabric darker than the robe itself. It had ornate embroideries of flames and was pinned together with a gold pin in the shape of a water lily. A pair of matching slippers were put onto my skinny feet, and I suddenly felt like a princess again.

Katara then handed me my old make-up kit from the bag. There it was, my eyeliner, mascara, and powders with the soft brushes I used to apply them. Granted, my skin would look much paler now from spending the last few years indoors. I reached in and took out a small mirror from the kit, and the girl tenderly took it from my hand and held it up for me.

"I thought you would like this," she said then.

I didn't reply. Instead, I took her offer and began applying my basic powder for my face using a small brush. After so long of not having make-up, I thought I would have forgotten what to even do with it. But the strokes came back as easily as Firebending could have. Being royalty, I learned from a young age how to make myself beautiful. Not that I needed much help, mind you. Once the powder was set on my face and neck, I put on my eyeliner and mascara, with a touch of red above my eyes to bring out their gold color. And then it was finished. I exchanged the make-up kit for the mirror in the girl's hand and turned to face the wall as I looked at myself. I appeared just as I did before I was sent away, minus the sunken eyes and skinnier face.

Glancing in the corner of my eye, the peasant carried a pair of scissors in her delicate hands and still held that ridiculous smile that I hated. "Would you mind a haircut? It's getting rather long."

How trivial. I handed her the small mirror and shrugged my shoulders, not entirely caring. "If you must." Her hands, gently, pushed on my shoulders so that I may kneel. Begrudgingly, I followed suit with an aggravated sigh. I heard the _shick shick _of the scissors then, and waited as patiently as I could, however I couldn't help but think that this was wasting precious time. I could be outside right now, taking in the fresh air and feeling the sunshine on my skin. Oh Gods, the sun. I haven't seen the sun since the day of my detainment. Even when they moved me from the mental institution to the prison, it was at night. I have to admit, I missed its warmth. Maybe that was the reason why I couldn't Firebend anymore.

The haircut was over in a matter of minutes, and I looked down at the amount of hair that she cut. I suddenly felt thoughtful. All of the haircuts I received in prison were merely shaving of the head when it got too long. It was easier to maintain that way. But this was different; this whole… thing was different. The haircut, the make-up, the clothes—it was all a part of something greater: my freedom. Oh, and Zuko raising the monster to rule the Fire Nation. I suppose that counts.

I slowly stood as my hands ran through my newly clean, freshly cut hair and I brought a few strands to my face so that I could see it for myself. My hair was actually shining, and the ends were so smooth. Amazing. It was the length that I had it before I chopped it off in a craze.

"May I?"

Glancing over my shoulder, I saw the girl had the tools necessary to put my hair in a bun. She certainly planned this entire ordeal in advance. I gave her one nod, and returned my head to look straight ahead, at the dirty wall. I might as well study it; it would be the last time I would see the inside of a prison. The girl's hands worked expertly as she tugged and pulled at my hair. All of the memories I had of my younger days suddenly flashed before my eyes. I remembered when Mother would put my hair up, like Katara was doing now. I remember forcing Mai and Tai Li to put my hair up, as well. There were few times I would do it myself.

"All done."

Her voice snapped me out of my thoughts again. My eyes found hers as I stood, those big pools of ocean blue that sparkled at the sight of me. I must have truly been a marvel to behold.

"You look ready, Azula," she said, and I wasn't wary to take her seriously. She brought her hands together in front of her. "The palace is waiting for you."

Ah, yes. My childhood home. I was sure that the memories there would be something to ponder, but they were better than the crippling reminder of Shen. Then again, I'll have that memento for the remainder of my… _pregnancy._

I held my head high and pushed my hands together under the long sleeves of my robes. I was no longer a prisoner now and, even though I wasn't a princess any longer, I could very well act like the royalty I was. I mustered up any pride I had left, cleared my throat, and said in a stern tone, "I _am_ ready."

Everything past that went by so quickly. I was rushed out of my prison cell to be greeted by Zuko and two people that I could only assume to be Xing and Tsi T'sing. Xing was a Firebender, that much was clear, and he was tall and very muscular. He was clean-shaven, and his hair was the norm of the Fire Nation: long and half put in a small bun. It was very similar to Father's. He wore a sleeveless red shirt that was skin tight with the fire emblem on the back and baggy pants a shade darker than his shirt. His pants were tucked into his long, black boots. That demeanor of his was stoic, and he looked me over with a bored expression and his huge arms crossed in front of his chest.

Tsi T'sing was the opposite. Where he was large, she was tiny and nimble; I could tell by the way she stood. She wore a light blue short-sleeved kimono-style tunic that split up the sides that were held with a white sash on her skinny waist and baggy pants underneath that was also tucked into her traditional Water Tribe black peasant shoes. A white skin filled with water sat against her hip. Her dark hair was tied in a simple pony tail. I noticed that she wore those betrothal necklaces that most Water Tribe women wear, though I couldn't see its design from where I stood. I didn't really care, anyway.

Zuko stood beside them and introduced us, though neither of them spoke. I believed they didn't like me very much. Which, to be perfectly honest, I didn't really mind. They didn't have to like me in order to watch me. In fact, I reveled in the fact that, as fierce as the warriors they claim to be, they were forced to look after little old me and make sure I don't burn down the palace and take over the Fire Nation. How boring for them.

Once those obligations were out of the way, Zuko, followed closely by Katara, led my new bodyguards and me out of the corridors of the prison. I heard them all yelling obscenities and banging against the bars to their cells, and all I could do was smirk. They were just jealous, and that made me feel powerful.

"Get out o' here, ye witch!" screamed a familiar voice.

I turned my head to the right and met Ming Mei's familiar crazed eyes. I stopped walking, as did the others.

I saw through the open door to her cell that she pointed a dirty finger at me and a dark scowl on her wrinkled face. Her gray hair was askew, and I believe I could smell her from where I stood. I continued to hold my head high as she spoke.

"Ye get yer fancy ass out o' here! Ye hear me?! And take that devil child with ye! Ye know the one! The one yer hidin'!"

I turned my head sharply away from her and continued walking. I could hear her shouting though I couldn't understand her hick words. Once I went out of her sight, I believe she started screaming; I could still hear her when I finally entered the outside, though it was muted once the doors shut behind us.

At first, the sunlight blinded me. I had to bring up my arm to help adjust my eyes to the brightness. And all of the colors, they came at me at once. I hadn't seen green in over two years, I realized suddenly. The girl was by my side at once and gently touched my arm. I shrugged off her hand with a grunt. "Just take me to the palanquin," I mumbled as I rubbed my aching eyes.

Glancing at the sky, I noticed that the clouds were slowly moving across the horizon to cover the sun. I brought my arms down as the palanquin was carried up the sloping hill by four able-looking dark haired men. They wore the same outfit, one that I knew: they worked for Zuko at the palace; this was the royal palanquin. For that, I was pleased. Even though the public didn't regard me as their princess any longer, it served my pride well to still be treated as such, even if it was at Zuko's courtesy.

I was first into the palanquin, followed by the girl and Zuko. It was large for all three of us, and gave us privacy with a veil of gold and deep red fabric that draped from the top. Xing and Tsi T'sing had no trouble walking on either side of the palanquin. The four men lifted the palanquin with ease, and we were on our way to the palace. I have to admit that the ride was a lot bumpier that I remember; these men must not have known how to do their job correctly. It felt they were running with an earthquake under their feet. I frowned, not enjoying this first taste of luxury I've had in over two years.

I could feel the girl watching me the whole time, with those mothering blue eyes of hers. I hated it. She kept trying to distract me from the ride itself by discussing whatever plans she and Zuko had for me.

Zuko continued, "I couldn't stop the rumors spreading about your release. It's helping that we're moving you quickly, but I think you're going to have to dodge some daggers."

Katara glanced to Zuko, purposefully keeping her distance from him, it seemed. Her body language leaned away from him and, with every bump, she made sure to land the other way and not against Zuko. It made me curious, but only for a second.

"How could the people have known? I thought it was a private meeting."

A scowl etched in Zuko's scarred face. "It seems that someone on the Counsel has a big mouth."

I rolled my eyes. How typical of them to react in such a way. If they didn't have a chance to keep me in prison, then why not instigate a public revolt? What were they thinking, releasing a homicidal, mentally-unstable teenage girl? They might as well roast the whole country.

"How many people do you think would stop Azula from entering the palace?" the girl asked, concerned.

Zuko shrugged his shoulders. "It's hard to say. That's half the reason why the Fire Sage gave you bodyguards, to protect you from the people. You mustn't react to them, or threaten them at all. Let Xing and Tsi T'sing defend you. You're not supposed to know how to Firebend, remember?"

I frowned. Did he have to point it out like that? I could hardly remember the last time I even _could_ Firebend. And there he was, gloating over the fact that I couldn't conjure flames any longer. It made me angry and, if I could Firebend, Zuko would have a scar on the other side of his face to match. That's what he would get if he spoke against me again. For Gods' sake, I was a princess, and I deserved to be treated as such!

Katara gently touched Zuko's arm with her hand with a warm smile on her lips. "We'll get there in one piece."

After a long moment, Zuko let out a relenting sigh. He seemed relaxed under the girl's comfort. I remembered the sensation she gave me when she healed my wounds for the first time, after Shen did what he did. The cooling water killed whatever pain I had instantly, and my whole body felt as if I was asleep and remained unmoving while she healed me. For a moment, I understood why he felt peaceful.

The girl returned her attention to me, reluctantly removing her hand from Zuko. "Your room is ready for you when we arrive, and your guards even have a place in your chambers." My face contorted to a scowl. Even in my freedom, I was still a prisoner. "And my room is next to yours. So, if you have any problems with the baby"—I cringed at the word—"I'll be right there."

"Wonderful," I said, unable to suppress my sarcasm.

Her eyes narrowed, but she said nothing. Zuko let out a light cough as yelling could be heard outside of the veil of fabric. I instantly turned my head towards the sound's general direction. I could hear the people screaming, waking those still asleep nearby.

"_Take that murderer back to prison!"  
"Let her rot where she belongs!"  
"Down with Azula!"_

"_She doesn't deserve freedom!"_

"Ouch, my poor feelings," I said nonchalantly. They knew nothing about me, or my plight. They knew nothing of what Shen did to me, or what he caused to change my life. They didn't see the hate in his eyes, or feel the agony of the burns he caused. No, they knew nothing. An ignorant lot, they were. I didn't care for their opinions, and none of their words would make me lose sleep at night.

Katara still looked anxious enough, and Zuko tried his best to ignore it. All he had to do was think of the bright side. I would enter the palace, give him the monster, and I could live in peace while he raised the thing to rule the Fire Nation. The thought of freedom made the sun shine a little brighter.

"Finally, we're here," I heard Zuko mumble as they heard the gates to the palace open. The guards to the palace shouted commands to each other and pulled the gates wide enough for us to get inside. The shouting began to die down once the gates closed again, and all I could hear was the silence of the courtyard. I let out a breath I didn't notice I was holding and it sounded shaky. This suddenly felt so… real.

The palace was the same, yet so different. The atmosphere was… serene. There was no animosity in the air at all. Repairs were obviously done and any memorabilia of father was destroyed, I assumed. Warm-colored flowers were the main décor of the building, to my own distaste. Flowers were such fragile things that could be easily crushed.

I was actually surprised to see that not much of the palace had changed. I would have thought that Zuko burned down the whole place and started anew. But, no, it was as if Father was still in the palace, plotting on how to take over the world and destroy the other nations. I could picture the life I had before with such clarity. I knew it was different, though. Everything was different now.

I was greeted by Mai when we reached the top of the steps, where she said that she would show me around. There was hardly a tour, since I still remembered the layout of the palace like the back of my hand. Instead, I was taken to where I would be staying, which was my old bedroom. I was surprised to see that nothing was touched. Zuko said that he didn't have the time to do anything with it, though Mai commented that it would be the monster's room when it ripped its way out of me. They would get rid of my valuables for that _thing_? Absurd!

Katara was right when she said that my new bodyguards had beds in my chambers; there were two beds on either side of the room, though they were as large or grand as my own. They both had their own areas for their things. I couldn't believe that these two people would give up their lives just to follow me around every second of the day and night. It was… hilarious. I would have cracked a smile, but it simply wasn't in my nature.

Zuko and Katara bid their farewell, leaving Mai behind in my bedchamber. The late morning sun shone through the large glass windows on the left side of the room, giving the room an even warmer look. Yet I shivered. I took a step into the room and looked at the hauntingly familiar paintings and décor.

I glanced to Mai over my shoulder, wondering why she didn't leave as well. Stoic as always, she cleared her throat. "I'm sure you have a lot of adjustments to make, but I wanted to stay and… thank you personally."

My eyes narrowed and I turned my body to face her. I didn't like where this conversation was headed.

Mai's slender hands fidgeted at her sides as she attempted to continue. I just continued to stand there while Xing and Tsi T'sing put their things away in their dressers and chest. Their watchful eyes always stayed on me, however.

"I…" she began, but lightly sighed. "I know I betrayed you a long time ago, and I'm sure you still resent that." Her dark eyes stared straight into my own topaz orbs. "But I'm actually very, quite grateful for this. Since marrying Zuko, getting with child has become… difficult." She paused, and then let out a loud sigh. A light blush of color appeared on her pale cheeks. It was clear how embarrassed she was on this. My lips tilted slightly upward into a smirk.

It was fascinating that, no matter how hard they tried, Mai simply couldn't keep a child inside of her, as if conceiving was hard enough. And yet, here I stand, carrying a monster that I didn't even want from a horrendous situation that I still didn't wish to remember. How she must hate the fact. I reveled in it and was completely, oddly satisfied.

"Zuko and I are really happy that you accepted our offer." She paused again and her eyes looked at her feet. "I hope that this baby cures the distance between us. He's been so busy lately, having meetings until late at night and keeping busy in his study. If Katara wasn't looking after him so much, I don't know what I'd do."

The anxiety in her tone was quite clear. I wasn't so sure if she really was grateful to Katara for watching over Zuko. I could see it, however, with her mothering nature. But the way she said it… I wasn't sure if it went deeper than that. Not that I cared. It wasn't my affairs, and I had enough to worry about.

Instead, I let myself let out a laugh. It was such a weird sound to hear myself make. I don't believe I've laughed in such a long time. "Mai, all this gratitude just means that you have more to owe. After all, I'm giving you this monster in exchange for my freedom. It doesn't need to be anything more than that, unless you have more to offer me." I spoke plainly.

Mai's face didn't give anything away. I had to admit, I missed her poker face. She was so useful when it came to tender missions that I couldn't trust Tai Li to handle. I wondered if her hands were still so nimble. But it was clear that she didn't like it when I called the thing a monster. And why shouldn't I? I was sure she would do the same if she were in my shoes.

"It's more than that, Azula. That's why you're here, in the palace, and not rotting in prison with your baby in tow." Her hand gestured to my abdomen. "I don't know what else Zuko and I could give you, besides your freedom. He's already petitioning Ember Island to have a secure house built where you'll be quarantined. He's risking public ridicule for you. I think that's more than enough."

My smirk only grew. She couldn't possibly know the end of my greed.


End file.
